Male stereotype: Men will overlook any personality flaw in a woman if she has a pretty face and the body of a Victoria’s Secret model.
Female stereotype: Women are seduced by money and power and will compromise on any other desired qualities if they can pin down a man who has both.
The problem with this conclusion though is that it confuses attention with attraction. Pretty women will always get attention from a certain percentage of guys. Just like rich and powerful guys will always get attention from a certain percentage of women.
But we have to see this for what it is: Initial attention.
It catches someone’s eye and distinguishes you from other people. But only for a short window.
It’s the same with visual attraction. All it does (on its own) is turn heads.
There are many things we can all do to improve our visual attraction. The beauty industry likes to make this seem like a labyrinth of complexity, but really it comes down to: working out regularly, eating well, taking care of our skin, grooming well, dressing to compliment our best assets, being fashionable and coordinated, having good posture and a warm smile. These things are all under our control. But though we can improve them it’s a big mistake to make looks our sole obsession.
Even if you put all this work into your looks and become the most radiant, sexy woman in the room there’s no guarantee a guy will even approach in the first place.
Most guys never approach women. They only approach if the risk seems low i.e. if she seems open, warm, fun, approachable and friendly. Guys rarely approach the most attractive girl in the place; they approach the girl who is attractive AND approachable.
When a woman is just physically attractive and nothing else, a guy places that woman into the Sex Category, or what we can call Box No. 1.
Box No. 1 is usually visual and based on lust. It doesn’t mean a girl has to be the hottest woman he’s ever seen by any stretch of the imagination – it just means he has to feel some base tug of sexual chemistry.
Box No. 2 is the woman for whom he feels attraction, but she will also possess a few other key qualities that make her fun for more than one night, such as being good company, fun to hang out with, easy or intelligent conversation, good natured and has a sense of humour.
Box No. 3 has far greater criteria, and requires a man to see evidence of specific high value traits, such as a strong sense of purpose and direction in life, independence and interests/pursuits that give her fulfillment, a commitment to growth and ability to improve, looking after her health and treating her body with respect, strong standards for how she should be treated that she sticks to, willingness to love him for who he is and encourage him.
These are just some of the major traits that men are unconsciously seeking out when they begin dating someone. The more high value traits a woman shows, the quicker he puts her straight into the Girlfriend Category. This is why some guys claim they ‘just know’ that a girl is a keeper – because early on they see evidence that the girl they are dating is high value and thus irreplaceable (providing he’s in the right time in his life for a commitment of course).
And remember – most of the time our dating life isn’t a total disaster. Most of us are getting it mostly right in most areas. Sometimes just fixing one missing link in the chain can bring the whole thing together.
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