You wake up, and for a brief moment things seem normal, until you notice your stiff neck then you look around and realise you’re not in bed next to your partner. You’re on the couch. Suddenly, it all comes rushing back to you You had an argument last night. It was over something stupid at first but, like always, it turned into something bigger. Your partner tried to apologise but you just couldn’t let it go. Now it’s the morning, and they’ve already left for work. Your stomach is in knots.
You don’t want this argument to drag on forever.
You want to forgive him, but you just don’t know how to get over your feelings. Sound familiar?
If so, pay close attention on how to recover from an argument. Contrary to popular belief, arguments themselves aren’t what damage relationships; it’s the amount of time that people take to recover after an argument.
I’m sure you have had disagreements in the past where you apologised and then your partner didn’t get over it. They carried on being stressed and angry. Those types of things can ruin hours of your day, a whole day, or more and life is too short for that.
But no matter how compatible you are, in relationships, disagreements are inevitable. So instead of focusing on not having arguments in the first place, what we need to get focused on is recovery time after an argument. If we can have a discussion or have a debate about something and then quickly snap back from it, that’s a very powerful place to be.
Many people in arguments just go into themselves and they don’t give people a clue about how they can help, so they are waiting for that person to say the perfect thing. They are waiting for that person to say something that is going to solve it. But they are not actually helping them or giving them guidance. If you can say to somebody, “listen, I am just being sensitive right now but I need you to help me. Just be on my side and help me right now,” what you are really doing is being a great teammate. Because you are showing them how to help you overcome your feelings, you are making them a partner in getting over this situation. Otherwise, if you alienate them and go inside yourself, they now look at it as a hopeless case. They go, “Argh! Nothing I am saying is working. You are still in this bad mood,” and then they shut down.
When you say these 6 simple words – “I need you to help me” – you are making them a teammate in the situation. So if you can’t get yourself over an argument in the moment, appeal to your partner. Be vulnerable, tell them that you are feeling sensitive, tell them you are still angry but also tell them that you want them to help you. Agree to disagree. Then you give them a roadmap and that’s something we all want with our partner. It makes you the most beautiful thing you can be in a relationship, which is a genuine team. To learn more ways to speak your partner’s language so you can strengthen your relationship and make it last forever.