First Date Rules: How Much Can You Reveal?

There’s nothing quite like the feeling of going on a first date. The anticipation of meeting in person and discovering whether there’s something more to this new person sitting in front of you. It could be the start of something new and exciting. However, as much as you want them to like you for who you are, you also don’t want to give away too much too soon.

The first date can sometimes feel like an audition to an important role in a movie (your love life) and you wonder how much you can actually reveal about yourself to ensure you will get that call back (second date). So, like any audition, you need to be prepared and know exactly what and how much of yourself you should be sharing.

Reveal who you are but carefully

Sure, it’s easy to talk about those basic, getting-to-know-you type topics but do you really want to know how long you’ve both been at your current jobs? Remember, it’s not a job interview. The goal is to get to know each other but without being too intense. So keep first dates light hearted and try not to pour your heart out, talk about family drama or past relationships. After all, your date didn’t agree to meet with you so you can spend the entire time talking about your cousins or your ex.

Conversation that is negative or serious can be quite draining and will almost always guarantee no second date. Instead, think of topics like travel, food, music and more. For example, what are the different countries you would like to live in and why? Restaurants you have had great experiences at and what influences your love for a particular cuisine? What did you grow up listening to? Instead of the standard short answers, these type of answers will help your date learn about who you are inside.

Negativity is not attractive

Not all dates can hit the ground running. Conversations on a first date can be dry and boring, with the stock-standard questions being asked i.e. What do you do for work? So, it’s all too easy to start complaining about your horrible day or week leading up to this meetup in hopes of juicing up the conversation. According to Vanessa Van Edwards from Science of People, “Never bring your bad mood to a first date. Emotions are contagious and when you talk about your horrible day at work or how you’ve had an exhausting week, your date will pick up on your negativity and begin to feel upset as well. This also applies to any negative current events.”
If the tables were turned, would you want to walk away from a first date feeling drained or negged out? Your date will associate these negative feelings with you as a person and it’s almost a sure way to not hear from them again.
Also read: First Date Conversations

Share your passions and interest

First dates are all about getting to know someone, enjoying their company and learning if there are enough shared values to want to see each other again. According to Tracey Steinberg, a flirting expert, how better to see if you click with your date than by finding out if you share common interest. “ Plus: Passions are great to share on a first date because they make you happy, which is attractive to a potential partner,” says Steinberg.

So as easy as it is to talk about what you do for work and how you’ve survived the pandemic, it is absolutely necessary to talk about things that truly interest you and what really sparks joy in your life. Are you passionate about traveling the world and living in a foreign country where you don’t speak the language? Or are you a massive foodie that wants to eat out every weekend? Sharing your passions and interests allows both of you to set expectations of what a future could look like together. I mean, would a relationship really work if your date is a homebody that is happy to never to leave the country again? Compatibility is everything and that’s the main reason why it’s our focus when finding matches for our clients.