Have you always wondered how some people can be so confident? The truth is, they are satisfied with themselves, their actions, and with their character. In other words, they have High Self-Esteem. A good self-esteem is not only important in dating but in daily life. Linda shares some tips on How to Transform Your Confidence.
#1 Improve Your Body Language
The minute you meet someone confident, you know it. It’s really obvious. You can see that they carry themselves well, they make eye contact and sit up straight. You don’t see them slumping down or caving their shoulders in. Now, If you want to start being confident, act like it first! Believe it or not, physiology is key when learning how to be confident. Don’t make yourself smaller because it gives off the impression that you are insecure and basically insignificant. Keep your posture upright, your shoulders back and your head high — it gives off a signal that you are taking control of the surrounding space.
Try this: Harvard professor Amy Cuddy revealed that just two minutes of power posing — standing tall, holding your arms in a “v” shape towards the sky, or standing with your hands on your hips and legs apart like Superman — can significantly increase your confidence. Do this before a date, a presentation or whenever you feel like you need a confidence boost!
#2 Be Positive
Okay, you would have heard this before but really, it is the key in transforming your confidence! Because thinking positive can manifest itself in several ways. Instead of thinking that everything is going to go wrong, focus on all the ways it could go right. Motivational Speaker Tony Robbins says, “Where focus goes, energy flows. What you focus on becomes your reality – and that includes what you focus on within your own mind. Replace negative words with positive ones and start seeing the bright side of situations. By changing your focus, internally and externally, you’re changing your state. And by changing your state, you’ll change your life.”
Try this: Whenever you are getting nervous about something, imagine the positive things that could happen, the pleasant feeling you get when it’s a success. You will feel the difference.
#3 Live in the Present
A big part of being confident is not overly worrying about things that have not happened yet because those can dampen your confidence. To truly transform your confidence, you need to live fully in the present. Appreciate what you have without worrying about what’s going to happen tomorrow – or even what happened yesterday. Free your mind, be here now and confidence will follow. Life Coach Stephanie Zamora says, “Whether you’re disconnecting from a conversation or general experience, the effect is the same: You immediately lose confidence. People that appear totally cool and collected, they are 100 percent engaged in the present moment.”
Try this: When you catch yourself engaging in a viscous thought cycle rather than the present moment (or the person you’re with), use your senses to gently guide you back. Speak, take in the smells, notice the textures that you can feel.
#4 Love Yourself
In order to transform your self confidence, you need to increase your self-compassion. What what is self-compassion? According to Prof. Neff, Sbarra and colleagues, it’s basically self-kindness (treating yourself with understanding and forgiveness), recognition of your place in shared humanity (acknowledgment that people are not perfect and that personal experiences are part of the larger human experience) and mindfulness. There are techniques that you can practice and researchers have discovered that just doing them for 40 minutes every day for 8 weeks can raise self-compassion by 43 percent.
Try this: Meditation for Compassion (scroll down for 3 types offered by Headspace)
#5 Take Pride In Your Achievements
How would anyone know you’ve done some amazing things if you don’t tell them? Toby Robbins says, “Confident people could make more money in the workplace for a simple reason: they take credit for their achievements – and they do it when it matters most. If you made a contribution that accomplished a goal for the company or led to a positive outcome, it isn’t bragging to point it out to your manager or CEO – it’s a fact. As long as you state it in a matter-of-fact way, it won’t just make you look good – it will make you feel good, too.”
Try this: To share your successes without sounding like you’re bragging, you can always add that sense of awe you felt when you achieved something or share how it made a difference in your community.
For more advice and tips to prepare you for the dating and relationship world, watch this space. Is there something you would like to read about or a topic you would like us to cover? Please let us know.
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