Is being a good listener, attractive? Absolutely. Feeling listened to can be really elevating because in that very moment, the person you are listening to feels that they have been chosen. Instead of focusing your attention towards other people or on other things, they are your center of attention. Linda reveals practical tips on How to be a Good Listener.
According to a study published in the journal Science of Nature, being a good listener is actually a really attractive trait to have, especially for men looking to attract women. So what makes you a good listener?
Instead of just staying quiet, ask questions
Believe it or not, good listening is much more than being silent while the other person talks.
The best listeners are actually the ones who ask questions throughout a conversation. Sitting there silently nodding does not necessarily mean that they are listening, but asking a good question tells that they have not only heard what was said, but also comprehended it well enough to want to know more. There’s a difference between hearing and listening and good listening is a two-way dialog.
Try this: Listen to what the other person is saying and if there is something that interests you, ask a question. From there you can share your own experience or opinion.
Bonus: People often ask, “Have you gone on any vacations recently?” However, someone can answer that very quickly—and they might not have gone anywhere (which results in awkward silence). According to Vanessa Van Edwards , founder of Science of People, try asking what kinds of vacations they like to take. This produces great conversation and ample “get to know you” responses. Talking about traveling can even get you a second date! A study found that 18% of couples who discussed travel went on a second date, compared to only 9% of couples who talked about movies. So, you know what to do!
Make the other person feel supported
A conversation with a good listener makes you feel positive, supported and safe. You feel issues and differences could be discussed openly. In contrast, poor listeners use their silence as a chance to prepare their next response. Sadly, although that might make you a great debater, it doesn’t make you a good listener. Good listeners don’t necessarily have to agree to everything, but the person being listened to needs to feel that the listener is trying to help, not wanting to win an argument.
Try this: When in a conversation, let the feedback flow smoothly in both directions without becoming defensive. Poor listeners are competitive and critical.
Make suggestions, give feedback
Another quality of a good listener is the ability to give useful feedback or to offer another perspective. But you will have to be active in the entire conversation in order to give meaningful feedback — asking questions, making them feel supported and finally making suggestions. If throughout the conversation you’ve been completely quiet, coming out with a feedback all of a sudden can make the other person feel like you’re trying to shut them down.
Try this: A good way to make a suggestion is to start with sentences like “Have you considered”, “What about” or “Did you know”.
For more advice and tips to prepare you for the dating and relationship world, watch this space. Is there something you would like to read about or a topic you would like us to cover? Please let us know.
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