To anyone who has been emotionally scarred, the thought of jumping back into the dating pool after a traumatic life-event such as divorce, death, abuse, or bad breakup is a scary one. Often times, a long break from love would follow which is totally understandable because god forbid you end up having to go through a rough patch all over again right?
For some, they would rather not go down that road again especially if they can protect themselves from any form of heartache or if they wish to preserve the memory of a loved one. Also singledom can become a comfortable respite from all the chaos as your life is your own and you get to do whatever you like, whenever you wish. It’s an easy state to stay in. Having said that though, it’s also important to remember that by doing so you’re also denying yourself a crucial part of what makes us human – sexual interaction but more importantly, that sense of connection and the ability to love and be loved in return.
Truth is you deserve to feel love especially after such a monumental event. And you shouldn’t let unpleasant ordeals hinder the possibility of long-lasting friendship, rapport, support, reciprocated love, and/or intimacy particularly after you had time to heal. Take comfort in the fact that you are much stronger this time round and these experiences – good or bad can be used as life lessons to help guide you along the path to a relationship you deserve.
Have you found yourself wondering what it would be like to be in a relationship again? Take that as an indication and baby step towards being open to the thought of dating again. Now we’re not asking you to jump straight into the dating pool. It really should be a slow and steady process. Listen to your gut because in order to proceed, you need to be truly comfortable in your own skin and ready to take the plunge.
So how do you get back out there after a long time on your own? It may sound like a cliché but I know of so many people who have said that they found their other halves when they least expected it – when they were at their happiest, in their element, and not even looking to get attached. Whatever you had to go through, allow yourself time to mourn and to recover emotionally before moving forward. Ideal Introductions Chief Matchmaker Linda Prescott says, “We always ensure that our clients have had enough time to heal and move forward from their past relationship. That way, they can focus on new possibilities.”
There really isn’t a fixed timeline as it varies from person to person. So take your time to learn to love yourself again – to be happy being on your own. Find a new creative passion, spend quality time with your family, or take care of your health by getting active at the gym. “It’s only when you’re content that you can truly let anyone else in,” says Linda.
Next, it’ll help to study your past. As painful as it is to think about the days of yore, it’ll help you grow and make known the lessons you can take away from those experiences. You’ll be better able to decide on the changes you need to make, your likes and dislikes, the behaviors you will no longer accept from a partner, what you want out of a relationship, and more. This exercise will make you more mindful and will help you “look before you leap”.
Finally, as paradoxical to the above as this sounds it’s also important to keep an open-mind and try not to limit yourself to opportunities that come your way. “Be willing to try new things you generally wouldn’t in the past and be open to meeting different people as well. When you open yourself to new experiences, you will notice that doors will start to open. It really is a fine balance, but when you’re ready to move forward you’ll know for sure,” said Linda.
Ready to meet new people? Don’t be shy to call us!
