The Dream Partner Wishlist

Who doesn’t want a dream partner? Finding an Ideal partner boils down to knowing what you want and what you don’t from the get-go and that’s where your dating checklist comes in handy. However, we’re not saying it’s as easy as drawing out a list, checking it twice, and then poof — your perfect match will magically appear. We have found that the act of writing down dealbreakers/can’t stand and must-haves is not only therapeutic, it’s also a great way to help you figure out the personality traits and qualities you’re looking for in a future partner. And personality and traits are usually the most important thing to consider when it comes to compatibility. Before you start making an endless grocery list of items to ‘shop’ for in a dream partner, keep these tips in mind:

Learning from the past
Reflect on past relationships and previous dates to help you come up with things to avoid and things you liked or wanted more of.

An evolving checklist
Your checklist shouldn’t be rigid or set in stone; it should evolve as you do. After all, what you were probably looking for when you were in your early twenties is likely different from when you’re in your 40s. So, leave room for fluidity to avoid being so picky that nobody makes the cut. Because let’s be honest, being picky only works when you’re shopping for fruits and veggies.

Be realistic
We’re not saying aim low but when coming up with your dating checklist, please be realistic. Remember that nobody is perfect so it’s unrealistic to expect your partner to be.

Wants and your needs
Make a clear distinction between your wants and your needs. “Wants are an expression of who you are and what makes you happy…I hate to break it to you but you’re probably not going to get all your relationship wants from your future partner,” explains Joseph Zagame, Psychotherapist and Clinical Director of myTherapyNYC. “No one is perfect and you can’t get everything from one person. However, you should expect to get your relationship needs met. “What are relationship needs? Those are the non-negotiables – the essential things that make a relationship work.”

Physical characteristics shouldn’t be the decider
Steer clear of physical, professional, or financial characteristics as these are superficial. Instead focus on personality traits (such as honesty, integrity, humour, intelligence, etc) and what you need in a relationship (stability, wanting children, respect, love and support, communication, etc) in order for it to survive rather than what you want (model looks, height, income level, clothing size, etc). What’s also important is to have that chemistry and attraction for each other.

Know your non-negotiables
Once you’ve completed your list of needs, circle the top three qualities and make them your non-negotiables. According to Ty Tashiro, Ph.D., and author of “The Science of Happily Ever After”: What Really Matters In The Quest for Everlasting Love”, if you have any more than three non-negotiables, the probability of finding someone who ticks all the boxes lessens. So, it’s best to start small. Make three traits your priority but feel free to explore the other needs on your list should there be a potential mate who hasn’t quite met your chosen trifecta. All of Ideal Introductions clients are financially stable, so this lets you focus on other aspects of your wishlist.

Stay open-minded
To reiterate the first point, though you have a list, it’s important to stay open-minded and accepting especially when it comes to things that don’t actually matter relationship-wise. The last thing you’d want is to miss out on someone who could be great for you because of say, a toilet paper tattoo on his arm for example. (You know, to signify the TP shortage thanks to the pandemic.)

Know your dealbreakers
Know what your dealbreakers (disrespect, vulgar language, short temper, abusive behaviour, cheating, etc) are and stay firm on them. These are a reflection of your values and are a red flag if your date shows any inkling of these characteristics.

Don’t forget to have fun in the process
Your dating checklist shouldn’t be treated as gospel but should just be used as a reminder of your worth and as a guide to helping you get one step closer to finding someone worthy of your time and love.